Meantime Boy / Meantime Girl

This is an article written by my friend, Kd Faustino. Thanks Kd, for letting me share this.

THE MEANTIME GIRL

She`s the one you call when you`re bored because she makes you laugh. She`s the one you talk to when you`re feeling down because she`s willing to lend an ear and be a friend. She`s not the one you call when you need a date to your company`s Christmas party, or to go dancing with on a Saturday night. She`s the one you spend time with between girlfriends, before you find `The One`. You know, the one you keep in the MEANTIME.

She`s not one of the guys, not a tomboy, but you don`t look at her as a “real” woman, either. She`s not bitchy enough, moody enough, or sexy enough to be seen in the light. She`s too laid-back, too easily amused by the same things your male buddies are amused by. She`s too understanding, too comfortable. Doesn`t make you feel nervous or excited the way a `real` woman does. But she`s cool, nice and funny, and attractive enough that when you`re lonely and need intimate female companionship, she`ll do just fine.

You don`t have to wine and dine her because she knows the real you already, and you don`t have any facades to keep up, no pretense to preserve. You`re not trying to get anything of substance out of her. She`s not easy, but you know that she cares about you and is attracted to you. And you know that you don`t have to explain yourself or the situation, that she`ll be able to cope with the fact that this isn`t the beginning of a relationship or that there`s any possiblity that you have any real romantic feelings for her.

It won`t bother her that you`ll get up in the morning, put on your pants, say goodbye, and go on a date with the woman you`ve been mooning over for weeks who finally agreed to go out with you. She`ll settle for a goodbye hug and a promise to call her and tell her how the date went. She`s just so cool.. why can`t all women be like that?!

But deep down, if you really think about it (which you probably don`t.. because to you, the situation between the two of you isn`t important enough to merit any real thought) you know that it`s really not fair.

You know that although she would never say it, it hurts her to know that despite all her good points and all the fun you two have, you don`t think she`s good enough to spend any real time with. Sure, it`s mostly her fault, because she doesn`t have to give in to your needs - she could really play hard-to-get. Bitch like the rest of them do, if she really wanted to. But you and she both know that she probably couldn`t pull it off. Maybe she`s too short, or a little overweight, or has big birthmark on her forehead, or works at Taco Bell, or just really not that type.

Whatever the reason, somehow life has given her a lot of really great qualities but has left out the ones that men want (or think they want) in a woman. So she remains forever the funny friend, the steadfast companion, the secret lover, and you go on searching for your goddess who will somehow be everything you ever wanted in a woman.

You`ll joke to her that she should be the best man at your wedding, and she`ll laugh and make a joke about a smelly rental tux.

She doesn`t captivate you with her beauty, or open doors with her smile.

Mainly, she blends in with the crowd. She`s safe. She doesn`t want to be the center of attention and turn the heads of everyone in the room. But she wants to turn someone`s head. She wants to be SPECIAL to someone, too. We all do.

She has feelings. She has heart. In fact, she probably has a bigger heart than any woman you`ve ever known because she`s had a front-row seat to The Mess That Is Your Life, and she likes you anyway.

She obviously sees something worthwhile and redeeming in you because although you`ve given her nothing, absolutely no reason to still be around, she is.

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THE MEANTIME BOY

He enters your living room without hesitation because he knows he’s always welcome there. You can never completely get angry with him because you’ll forgive him anyway (why expend the energy on that?) There’s no real pressure to look good for him, or to domesticate yourself, because hell, he probably cooks better than you do. you don’t get disappointed when he doesn’t open the door for you, or perform any of the perfunctory genteel mannerisms frequently assigned to a “gentleman” (ergo, a prospect). If he sees you as a buddy, then you really don’t quite see him as a “man”… much more the “gentle” kind.

But that doesn’t mean these signs of breeding are alien to him (it’s just that around you, he can slip up and live to see the next day). More often than not, he’s one of those dudes on top of the food chain.Why else wouldn’t you mind having him confused as a boyfriend? And the mere fact that he doesn’t mind (well, not really) being seen with you says he sees you being in that level too - especially if he has to contend with the are-you-guys-together interrogation as well.

And admit it, the pestering questions from well-meaning people are well-founded. You’ve both acquired the mannerisms of an old couple - there are no awkward silences, no trite comments, no hesitations. Physical intimacy can stretch from holding hands to cross the street to a prolonged embrace when one of you feels bad. It’s true, you’re around each other when life’s vicissitudes erupt. He’ll be the first person at your doorstep, maybe even getting there before you do, because you told him you were just fine (wonderful, could’t be better) - and he recognized the devastation in your voice . And you, you don’t even need to say how proud you are of him (how awkward can that be!)- you knew, you believed in him way before he did.

Where your relationship is is where other couple’s relationships should be - given fifteen years or so.Only you’ve had this chemistry too soon, way before either one of you will ever recognize just how irreplaceable it is. It was never the result of time, negotiation or compromise. It’s just one of those things that came too easily, so naturally it’s laughable to call it precious (it’s so many other things - just NOT that word). It’s like telling a piano prodigy to practice when he can play Mozart’s Symphony in E Minor after one listening. Just plain absurd.

But admit it, being around this Meantime Boy has given you an inkling of what it would feel like to be with The One. What you feel when you’re with him - how secure, how profound or how silly you both can be - these are the stuff you need in lifelong commitments! Think about it. He’s probably seen you sweat it out on the track (thus disproving the myth that girls don’t sweat), just as much as you’ve seen him develop one too many love handles. Not even for charity will you ever HAVE TO take it easy on him in the court. He’s had one too many fashion faux pas for his own good, mispronounced so many words you’ve lost count and he probably farts in front of you. On the other hand, he’s seen you have bed head, trip on your feet, and cry like a baby when John Kofi gets the chair. Almost perfect, isn’t it? Just add mad, incredible passion (the one missing ingredient) to this comfortable stew and you’ve got something so rare it will leave you breathless.

So the truth is Meantime Girl, there is a reason for this meantime-ness… and you better have the good sense to know it’s not to wait for him to snap out of his immaturity (or for you to make the first move-neva!). He’s your Meantime Boy because you need to learn from him what truly enabling relationships are - and not to confuse that with those that are disguisingly constricting. He’s around because you need to recognize the primacy of friendship (that’s why FRIEND is the bigger word in GIRLFRIEND). He’s there because you need to believe that you can be seen as a thinking human being - and not the commodity so closely associated with your gender.

The Meantime Boy grants you the liberty to love - because while he is an accommodating recipient of your affections, he silently gives way when someone else steps into your life. He gives you THAT look, the don’t-you-dare-fall-in-love-with-me Care Bear Stare whenever your get your ends all mixed up. Don’t despair and take heed: his very indifference is his gift to you.

By being oblivious to your adoration, he sets you free to be someone else’s forever. And when this man, this god, finally arrives to sweep you off your feet, he’ll marvel at the perfect jewel you are: how you never begrudge Sunday Night Football, how you confidently possess your own mind and project the very essence of graciousness. And why wouldn’t you be? You’ve had years of practice.

Yun na! Pak!